In the mid-90s, I was writing my dissertation and feeling very sorry for myself. Alone in my office, I could see the outdoors and watch the seasons pass, one by one. Other people were out there, living full lives, and there I was, jailed with a *!*! load of data that I needed to shape into a coherent narrative. Although I recognized that not only had I had chosen this life but that it would come to a close at some point, I was feeling very sorry for myself and envious of others. It was not a good feeling.
Somewhere along the way, I had learned of positive affirmations that were not only positively framed but believable and possible. I shaped one for myself: “ACCEPT the now & CELEBRATE all that you have.” Slips of paper with these words appeared on my computer, bathroom mirror, bedside lampshade, and elsewhere. Whenever I got the woe-is-me/s, I’d stop and think of something to be grateful for in that moment.
The dissertation got finished. And the practice of gratefulness never left me. I’ve found
over time that the practice of gratefulness is closely related to the practice of generosity. And,
yes, I believe both are “practices” rather than “innate qualities.” This congregation, our church
community, provides me much to be grateful for. And so much of that is not about me. It is about
improving the world we live in. It’s about providing a loving place for little ones to scamper and
grow, guidance for the growing ones to learn compassion and tolerance, acceptance of youth as
they try out various identities. It’s about offering assistance to parents, companionship for
spiritual seekers, exploration of contemporary issues for everyone wanting to live ethical lives.
It’s about the daily filling of a street pantry for those without shelter, erecting solar panels/
digging rain gardens, tabling at Pride festivals to demonstrate support of LGBTQIA+ people,
getting out the vote to defend democracy.
“I am Mary Alm, and I approve of these positions.” What I can’t do, others do in my
name. And as I grow older, I rely on others more and more. Because of that, more than half of
my annual charitable contributions go to UU Avl. I see the work; I see the results. And I have the
common sense to recognize that without our staff, our physical campus, and the connections with
the wider UU movement, UU Avl could not do what it does, be what it is, for so many folks.
Asheville would be a different place without us, a lesser place. I am so grateful that UU Avl is
here for me AND others, that giving becomes a necessary response. One day, I will be no more
than a name on a plaque in our Memorial Garden. Before then, I want to grow my practices of
gratefulness and generosity.
Mary Alm
UU Asheville Board